I began first seriously lifting weights in high school in
conjunction with football practices in the summer of 2001. It was fun to
progressively increase the amount I could lift and see the results of my
efforts on the field. The most popular lift was by far the bench press. In my
experience it was not too far of a stretch to say how much one could bench
press was a clear signal of how strong and indirectly how “manly” one was
considered by his peers. This was measured by “maxing out”, which meant lifting
as much as one could for one rep. I remember the day I wanted to max out and I
asked by buddy Briston over to spot me. I recall the moment when I was pushing
the weight up and it was a 50/50 chance if I could get it up all the way to the
top rack, or if the weight would crash down on my chest. The fact I had a
capable spotter ready to step in if needed as well as motivate me to finish
gave me the confidence to finish the lift successfully. Fast forward a few
years later to college where I was bench pressing at Dixon Rec Center at Oregon
State University. Not only was I stronger now, but I worked there and was more
familiar with weight lifting; the biggest difference was I did not have a
spotter. As I foolishly attempted one more rep versus racking the weight and
resting for a bit, all of a sudden the weight froze just 2 inches from the top
rack. Despite all my effort I couldn’t get it to the top rack and the panic set
in as I fought the weight that slowly, but steadily lowered closer to my chest.
I was just able to place it on the “emergency” racks and had to embarrassingly
wiggle underneath the bar as I sent up a quick “thank you” prayer I didn’t get
pinned underneath. I was stronger, more knowledgeable, I had lifted thousands
of times before and knew my limits so how and the heck did I let this happen?
My realization now is that the pressures of life are heavy (often heavier than
we think and with no emergency racksJ)
and if we try to withstand them all on our own we will sooner or later be
crushed; unless we have a spotter.
In my experience one of the seasons of life where life is
heaviest and we need the most help is ironically during our traditional college
years. No not just with maxing out at the university rec center, or gym, but
with the exploration of new relationships, new communities and countless
opportunities while for many feeling the first true taste of freedom and
independence. A man who understands this and is skilled in “spotting” when
someone in this demographic needs support is my brother in Christ Dan
Fitzpatrick. A fellow Oregon State alumni Dan has been involved extensively in
the “Fragua” program offered to college students primarily at Oregon State and
Portland State Universities. Dan describes Fragua as “somewhere for college
students to retreat from their lives for at least a little while from the
stress from home, from classes and anywhere else they may be feeling it…it
allows a place to feel an interior silence”; a rarity in the world of Facebook
status updates, YouTube clips and mountains of procrastinated homework.
Designed to meet people where they are at through a simple approach of dinners,
talks and short retreats Fragua is a Catholic program that encourages college
students to live a Christ centered life in college and beyond. Whether it be organizing
the programming, music ministry, recruiting, giving testimony, or filling in
recently at the last minute to help lead a retreat Dan is very familiar with
what the program has to offer because he himself attended it when he was an
undergraduate at OSU. When asked what motivates him to do it all he said “I
remember the impact it had on me; I grew up Catholic, but this was different,
these people were normal <laughs>…not
trying too hard to be someone they weren’t, they just lived a Christ centered
life in a normal way and that attracted me and since then I just wanted to pass
that on…plus the food at the events is pretty good, you definitely need to try
the chicken parm”J.
Anyone who has met Dan quickly realizes his talent for
maintaining a positive presence, cracking a joke and ability to work the crowd
with a sincere care and interest in each individual he is talking with. The
fact he has found an avenue to care for other people in a way that leverages his
strengths is a beautiful thing. He reflected on this when I asked him what
makes him raise his standards. “Over time I just became more and more certain
we are not enough for ourselves, we need something more to fulfill us and as a
Christian I feel that is ultimately God although it also means we can reflect
God in the life of others because they need it…for example this last retreat I
really was able to interact more with the participants and it was crazy, I
REALLY felt like I cared for them when I
heard their stories and my heart grew
like the Grinch at the end of the How the
Grinch Stole Christmas, which may sound silly because I always have cared,
but this was a deeper love… it made me feel for a moment how a father must feel
for a son, or daughter when they are sad and hurt and it reminded me how much
God must feel for us when we are in those times of loneness and
brokenness…Fragua gives me an avenue to help
people in college when the pressures are too much and need a community
to support them during these times”. Dan went on to share with me many stories
including an agnostic student who stated the Fragua events were the “highlight
of his week” along with a student with a seemingly “perfect” life letting her
guard down and show the real pain and heartache that can often be masked by
what looks like success externally. In raising his standards he has in turn
helped this community raise their own and if that is not awesome then go check
your dictionary on the definition of awesome and get back to me.
Dan and I discussed more on why people including him and I
may not raise our standards. He felt it is fear and loneliness primarily that
keeps us from raising our standards. It is scary to reach out for something you
know is good and may take more effort when peers around you are content with
the status quo, which can lead to a feeling of isolation if you decide to reach
out. Self-doubt can sink in the psyche of all of us as we question if we are as
good as we think we are so we tend to feel more comfortable shrinking than growing, or at the very least keeping
pace with the masses. As Dan describes, “we become a product of our external
circumstances and if we do not have a strong positive internal pressure pushing
back then we are bound to be the product of whatever happens at us from the
outside…we just buckle”.
What about you? Are you in life right now feeling like you
are maxed out? Who is your spotter? Better yet who in your life do you know is
struggling and may need an assist to avoid life crashing down on them? Wherever
you may be I encourage you to reflect on how you can raise your standards and
whatever you feel called to do remember to not be afraid, or fall victim to
loneness. Do it one rep at a time and know you have Jesus as your personal trainer
spotting you to push forward and nothing is too heavy for Him.
Miles
Fun Questions
- The saying goes April showers bring May flowers…what is your favorite flower and why?
- “Rhodonederen because all the places I have called home have them including good ol’ OSU.”
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- “I always wanted to be a rock star growing, but now I would like to be like this couple I know in their 60’s who love having fun and throwing parties. I would love to be the center of social life when I am in my twilight years devoted to a loving wife and with friends and giving life away…I think that would be better than being a rock star…at least 9 out of 10 times it would be.” J
- What upcoming events/initiatives would you like to share?
- “In general I just want to share we all have something specifically to share and that we should try and do at least one thing in our life for other people because the natural tendency is to only focus on ourselves. More specifically I would want to invite all those interested to join me at 10:30am mass at St Patricks, to see a beautiful church, good coffee and donuts, a community that is growing… a community trying to raise their standards and is made up of Catholics who are normal people.”
